100% Angst Free 70% Of The Time

SUPER CRAZY AWESOME-O NEWS

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 01:28:02 GMT

Good evening ladies and motherfucking gentlemen! I'm sorry I broke my promise of making November a full month of posts, but this news more than makes up for any promise I have ever broken!

On Saturday December Second at eight pm, I make, what I consider to be, my professional stand-up comedy debut!!!!

Thats right folks, I talked to Marje at the Baur Theatre again and we decided on the date! So come out to the show please.

In regards to free tickets I have a contest already running and another to begin right now.

So we already have the funny contest, whoever sends me something that I find the funniest out of all entries, will win a free ticket to my show. Also, whoever can send me a good name for the show will also get a free ticket (that is, whoever sends in the one I decide to use)

So there we go, a very short update, but a good one, things are looking up for me!

Which reminds me, I'd better watch my back, whenever something good happens to me, something bad happens as well. When I finally grew a spine it stabbed me in the back, when I first arranged to do this show I got hit by a car. Oh well, fuck you whatever is out to get me, I'm gonna do what I want(Inside legal boundaries of course)

TTFN (ta ta for now)

So God looked down and said "Cailen is In Guysborough"

Sat, 04 Nov 2006 03:41:40 GMT

Thats right folks, today and tomorrows entries shall be written in my hometown of Guysborough.

As I told you I'm trying something new, Friday is rant day so here it goes...

Whats the deal with Racist white Mofos? I mean seriously, sup wit dat? There are still white people who complain about the "horrors black people are unleashing on our society through rap music and gang wars." These are some of the stupidest-faces I have ever seen! It's like, who are the big time music producers profting off rap music? Who created and manufacture the guns the gangs use? Who brought black people to America (as slaves) in the first place?

WHITE PEOPLE! Listen, black people are not unleashing any horrors into our society, thats bullshit. And even if they were, it would be white peoples fault anyway! We have absolutely no right to complain about anything any black person in America does ever.

Ok, that was short, but it's late and I'm kinda tired, sorry but I am.

Your new boyfriend wears girl pants

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 21:55:59 GMT

oh boy, I downloaded Zebraheads new cd recently, and it rocks. I'm gonna put it on to my mp3 player take it back to Guysborough and burn it.

So I went driving with Jerry today, and let me just say that you haven't taken any driver training or have already completed it, take the Ed Brown driver training course just for the chance of being allowed to drive with Jerry, it rocks. He'll just strait up shot the shit with you, and he's awesome at it, he's really funny and is totally down to Earth.

Sorry everyone, I know you're just dying to see my standup act, but I haven't set the date yet. I'm hoping to get in to talk to Marjorie aboot it soon. Remember, if you dont want to have to pay you can the funniest thang contest currently running. Send anything funny to just_cailen@hotmail.com, the funniest things sender-in-er will be awarded with a free ticket. So far only one person has entered, but I'm sure she wants ssome competition so come on er'ybody.

I'm checking Taylor Gerard's website everyday to see if my page has been completed, it still hasn't. So everybody shout out at her website .

I'm thinking that I'm going to ad a weekly rant to this site, yeah I like that. From now on every Friday will be rant day, it works, the end of the schoolwork. There we go, I just came up with that off the top of my head, go I.

So there we go, the second of November in a nut-shell. Oh wait, one more thing. Only a select few people will understand this. While driving today I saw K/R and that guy I didn't know existed. Boy, did that hurt.

shooooooooooort

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 19:26:55 GMT

sorry folks, this update isnt really an update. Tonight I have to study for a test, do plenty o' math homework, and go to rehearsal.

Really I'm only posting to let you know that as long as things go in a good way, this will be the first month of this sites history with an update everyday! How super is that? its superly super, thats how super it is!

Before I go remember, e-mail me something funny to just_cailen@hotmail.com for a chance to win a free ticket to my first show (happening probably within just over a month)

Halloween spooktacular

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 23:44:46 GMT

Alright, I know I'm not the first person to say Spooktacular, but you know what? no ones gonna sue me for it, so I'm gonna go ahead and say it! Cause I'm the drive-thru rebel (good times)

So, I'm using my emo-pick because today is such a boonanza, on a side note, Avery D. Jones is being emo tonight (don't give him any candy).

Of course, I kid, give everyone who comes to your door candy. Or tofu, whatever you think they would like more.

So, to honor the holiday I'm making the first (and possibly only) scary-o-graph! Where I tell you something that scared the shit out of me. Okay, here we go...Finding out Michael Bay had something to do with the live-action Transformers movie. This is the man who brought us Pearl Harbor and The Island people! I don't want him anywhere near those wonderful robots such as Optimus Prime and Shia LeBeuf!

Sadly, I must go, I don't want the door to be left unguarded for too long, the little children might try to burn my house down, Antigonish people love forming anti-anything pitchfork mobs. Why, just the other night they formed a pitchfork mob in an attempt to stop me from listening to my liberal(ish) music. So tomorrow I'm gonna play it extra loud!

Sayanora! And remember, If the man tries to keep you down, stop drop and roll!

Pre-Pre-Post-Halloween

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 21:02:42 GMT

Hey everyone, I have some exciting news for you...I FINALLY GOT AN ENTRANT IN A CONTEST! But what would a contest be without competition? So everyone enter, send me anything funny and the funniest will win a free ticket to my self-produced standup comedy show happening either late November or early December.

So, I cant say too too too too too too much today because my hand is really cold from the walk home, but fear not! I will say things!

Apologies, still no specialty-o-graph for ya'll yet, but I think some of last years will be brought back.

Had a drama meeting today, heres a healthy tidbit for you, Matthew Worth is unbelievably creepy! I swear he had an orgasm just by saying "She could be brutally murdered" (I do an impression of it, ask me and I'll do it for you sometime).

So, my pals have J.A. tonight, but it's personally not my thing, I'm not really the entrepreneurial type.

Ok, my hands aren't working so until tomorrow or whenever, goodbye and stay pretty.

I forgot to make a subject yesterday

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 16:27:28 GMT

Ok ya'll, first things first, if you still haven't read yesterdays post, do it! I say that in the least threatening way possible.

So, I now I promised a new specialty-o-graph and a contest today, and making them up right now, here they are!!!

Contest-Who do I find funniest? E-mail me something (anything) funny at just_cailen@hotmail.com. The winner will receive a free ticket to my standup show happening in November.

Specialty-o-graph: Introducing, the anti-graph! its a paragraph that doesn't exist! (So what, I didn't have any ideas)

Now, with that out of the way, lets see what I can tell you all. Not much happened between last night and this afternoon. But I promise to do my best anyway!

I have to go to Hamlet rehearsal in about half an hour, then its back here for a few hours until I go with mom to something happening involving food, maybe tea, I'm not sure. After that I'm going to go see the Hollow Crown, because I still haven't seen it I figure I might as well even though it's supposed to be boring.

Man, I love how lj tells you you're spelling a word while you write now instead of making you do a spell check, this kicks ass!

Sadly, thats all to report, but after school tomorrow there should be something to say, neat stuff usually happens in the hallway.

Goodnight Everybody!

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 23:50:23 GMT

Good evening everyone and Welcome to season two of just-cailen.livejournal.com.

Ok, you're probably wondering what changes are going on here at this mediocre site well, lets get to them shall we?

1) Advertising! As soon as I can get access to a computer with USB 2.0 ports I'm going to start advertising on you-tube, I just need to get a job to pay for the ports.

2)Contests. They will be coming back, and they will have entrants. This change is actually up to you, not me .

3) The amount of updates. I don't know if i will continue this as a daily website still, but it will always update at least once a week unless otherwise stated.

You know, those are actually the only changes I can think of, oh well who cares? Not me.

Ok, lets start this off with some good news. I auditioned for and got two minor roles in Hamlet, not the roles I wanted but roles all the same. I finally grew a spine recently (this will continue in the bad news section). I will soon officially be a self produced stand-up comedian, it happens in November. I have a neat-o group of friends at the Regional. My bass playing has improved both in writing catchy rhythms, learning songs by neat bands, and being able to sing at the same time as(I guess I shouldn't have said both, but who cares?).

Now, for some bad news. My spine stabbed me in the back, for more info come watch me do standup sometime(I wrote an awesome joke about it). I got clipped by a car on Wednesday October 25th and my side still sorta hurts. I don't have a band to play in anymore.

Luckily i have more good than bad to whine aboot. So folks, that was the debut of what I cal season two, catch you tomorrow when I debut a contest and a specialty paragraph(I just need to figure out what they're gonna be)

Scented Candres

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 03:10:30 GMT

I know what you're all thinking....HOLY CASPER THE FUCKING GHOST! IT'S CAILEN!!!!
Well, I know you're all not used to me updating anymore, but so what? I felt I needed to, so I could give you......MY SUMMER RECAP!!!

So, I was the 'Nish all summer working on the Hobbit, which wasn't too bad, but thats the least of what I did.

So I went to Magnetic North in NFLD, and that rocked, I saw tons of theatre and it all rocked, my fav(ourite) shows were Black Rider and Bigger than Jesus.

So, after hitting the 'Nish, I initially was just a drifter, looking for someone to heal the pain I felt inside. I made a couple new friends, who were friends of friends I already had, pour le example Cameron Chisholm, a super neat guy who let me come on his radio show twice, I know, I was shocked he let me back too!

Lets see, I discovered my love for Jimi Hendrix, only got to the cabin once, got really sad when I realized I might not see Marshall for awhile (he can seriously grow on you). The Hobbit eventually opened, and got boring very quickly, but I didn't really mind because....I READ THE WHOLE FUCKING DARK TOWER SERIES! Yeah, all seven books were finished by myself in a little more than two months, I actually just finished today!

I went driving with Jerry twice (and will go tommorrow), got semi-drunk for the first time, and had a marginally successfull debut as a standup comic, I think that might be the profession I try to get into, mainly because it doesn't require I go to college after high school.

Speaking of High school, it turns out that at least my grade eleven year of it will be spoent attending the Regional in Antigonish. Wow, I know, heres hoping I don't drive away my friends there too quickly. The only bullshit thing is that I'll have to take PAL/CLM with grade tens (NGYA) but I think I know one, so it shouldn't be too bad.

I plan to apply for my own radio show at CFXU, and will probably need to rely on that for my internet access, as Dad does not have an internet connection. But don't worry, my blog will return, it might just be reduced to a weekly event.

So yeah, I probably left oot a lot of shit, but oh well, I'm just happy to post again! So, yeah, heres hoping I can come back for sum more!

I got a FEVER! And the only prescription...is MORE COWBELL!

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 22:38:52 GMT

Hey peeps/ya'll as I've come to call you. Today I'm doing something different. No -o-graphs, just me. "Why?" you may ask, well it's because this may be my last daily update in a long time, but that's not for complete sureisity right now, so don't hold it to me.

Well, I've been at this for over a month now, nearly two actually. Sadly, I also won't be giving you an end of June update, and probably not a beginning of July one either. Tommorrow I'm heading off to NFLD for ten days, then the day after I get back it's straight to 'Nish where I embark on a summer of techieness. I'll probably be able to use the theatres computer since my Dad works there, but I don't know.

I think I've fallen in love...with my blog, psssh, what, did you think I would express my feelings to YOU?!?!?! Come on, why should I trust you? Give me one good reason! (just_cailen@hotmail.com)

I escaped from the Dungeon of Just Cailen!

I killed Kittersmexytree the leprechaun and Lamorathefallen the nymph.

I looted the Dagger of Stand-up Comedy, the Sword of Stand-up Comedy and 18 gold pieces.

Score: 18

Explore the Dungeon of Just Cailen and try to beat this score,
or enter your username to generate and explore your own dungeon...

heh heh, I know thats not me, but it is my dungeon adventure.

I really want to let you all know, you're cool! Seriously, I just wish you would comment more, nothing breaks my heart more than getting all excited, only to see the bottom of the page still only says, leave a comment. Really.

So, I've been working on a little bit of stand-up comedy, and I kinda like it, mom seems kind of split on most of it though, and I had an idea for a play where two people are eating lunch and disembodied versions of their consciousness tell the audience what they're thining, here's a sample...ahem.

Man: So, we had ordered the food, and we were at the part in the date where we have a conversation while we wait for the food, and she brings up the fact that, she, is, a...whore. A slut, a trollop if you will. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting there while my heart breaks into a million pieces.I don't know what to say, how do you respond to that? "Hey I'm a whore!" "Oh good for you". It's impossible to build a conversation around that, I can't ask her how things are going down at the union, THAT doesn't exist.

Yeah, it's a work in progress.]

Well, thats all I have for you, I hope you enjoyed everything I gave you daily, and maybe it will be better tasting if I make you wait for it, who knows? Of course, I'll do my best to keep it daily, I just can't promise anything.

Bye everybody, I hope we still get a chjance to dance.

Ok, just simma down now, simma down!

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 01:16:01 GMT

Hey peeps, sup with ya'll? Nothing? ok, goooooood.

Allright, are you all ready for this? You'd best be, because due to my inherent lazyness I'm merely ggoing to do all my -o-graphs in one and nothing else! HAHAHAHA!

comic, send me shit, hilary blah blah blah, fred armisen becomes semi red fran, as in a Fran who is only semi-red.

Ok, thats it for today, sorry I didn't do much anyway, I got a haircut that makes my head look huge, I looked at pics of historic Guysborough, same ol same ol.

I adopted a cute lil' batman fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

Oh my, Isn't that cute? you bet it is, huzzah. Oh, I saw the Shakespeare comedy show last night, it was amazing! Seriously! They did the "Taming of the Bitch" "The Merchant of Venice" and "Queen Lear" funny stuff.

ok, dance, you know.

"It's the number one killer of domestic cats!"

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 00:52:24 GMT

Hey ya'll, I just got back from playing at/watching graduation, good times, good times.

I'm gonna jump directly into things here in the web-comic-o-graph. Please bible readers, don't hate me. I just found this comic super funny. Now don't assume it's just because of the making fun of Jesus, it's so much more than that. I mean, come on, when is eternal damnation NOT funny?

I'd umm, like to maybe, kindly ask you all to, uh, enter my contests. Y'know, paying money to send me to Ireland so you can receive a voice clip, and sending me in a guest column to be printed in July.

Ok, now that the boring contest-o-graph is out of the way, I'm gonna get into something more fun. These are Cailens summer survival tips.

1.Get tips from someone who knows what he's talking about

There we go, if you follow those easy steps you're sure to have a fun, safe, and sexy summer.

Ok, you all remember the anagraph right? Well, since I just gave summer survival tips, todays word will be Tequila. You may think, how can Cailen possibly make a word using that damn q? Here we go... eat quil. Oh yeah, as in I'm telling you to eat a quil from a porccupine (spelling?).

Lets see, whats happened in MY life recently? Umm, if you think things happen you obviously don't know me. Let's see, I found out Kirky-poo is a bitch (or something). I, personally, had suspected this for quite some time now, I just didn't say it to more than two/three people. Ok, probably just Taylor, but he's all I got know that Peter, Marshall, Joel, and Chris are gone.

Well, ummmmm, If you all want something fun from me to you, uhhh, you could all come to the show I think I'm doing August first in Antigonish. I don't care if you live in Washington D.C., come anyway!

So, thats about it for todays dance off, why don't ya come back, we'll do it again.

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 22:03:32 GMT

Hey, sorry I haven't updated in what, three days? Anyway I was in Antigonish (Left Sunday Morning got back like an hour and a half ago). I usually tell you all, and I was going to on Saturday, but I was babysitting until midnight and didn't want to bother giving the update.

So, I bet you all want to hear about my wild exploits in 'Nish,ok, here goes. I ummm, went for a lond walk, alone *sniff*, yeah, thats actually about it. I tuned the acoustic bass I had already found at Dads house, played it for a little while, god I love the bass, seriously.

So, like I said, I couldn't do the anagram for at least a week, and guess what? By my horribble internal clock I'm judging it has been a week! So here we go, I hope I haven't lost my touch. Andy Samberg becomes...Garys band me, as to say the name of Garys band is me. HAHAHAHA BOW DOWN TO ME MA'F*****S! YOUR ANAGRAM KING HAS RETURNED!

Sorry about that, my fault. ok, my contest-o-graph is still running, even though no one has sent me Ireland money or a guest column, come one people, you wanna, you know it.

Ok, what else do I have here, ummm for the Hilaragaph, mom was very angry I had written about Hilarys, ummm, "adventure in Vancouver" but oh well.

So, I hear Katty has some jailbait to her name now, she should be happy I don't tend to report things to the authorities.

Oh yeah, so, I hear on stage-two (in 'Nish) there's gonna be a standup-comic-night. I'm gonna work on some material, and if it's good I might try it, see what kind of reaction I get.

So, that takes care of my contest, ana, hilara, and web-comic-ographs. I think I'll be done for today, except for one more thing...
I adopted a cute lil' batman fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

So thats it, come back, we'll dance, and maybe, just maybe, we'll have some food.

What music does your daughter listen to?

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 22:32:03 GMT

So, as you may have guessed, I'm going to start naming all of my posts with quotes from S(aturday)N(ight)L(ive).

Ok, quick reminder for everyone to send me money or guest columns, please, I really want to be able to say "People entered my contests"

Lets see, today was my first day of summer vacation, and I didn't miss school at all, except for the cool people I can only see there, oh well there's still MSN.

SO, I'm babysitting tommorrow, so I can't go to a party I was sorta invited to (I know, ME? Invited? Sup wit dat?), but at least I know ho to play Fire It Up byt the Blac Label Society (I need to buy Mafia, like right now!).

Lets see, todays web-comic-o-graph
is brought to you by Joe Loves Crappy movies, at this point the main character of Jow has been replaced by a CIA operative, go back some for the whole story. Anyway, I just love that he makes fun of Larry The Cable guy, anyone David Cross doesn't like, I probably don't like.

So, as you've all probably heard, Edge is challenging for the WWE title on Sunday, come one, everybody root for my fellow Canadian! Really, he's the best part of the main event right now.

So, I'm dieing to see if my latest pirated photoshop 9 will work, so I gotta go, but before Im do, please comment on my posts, and yadda yadda dance yadda yadda

I shot the wrong guy

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 21:33:59 GMT

Title references the Doppleganger link from yesterday, watch it punks!

So I officially finished grade ten today! No more Mr. Connolly (yay) no more Kev Chis (yay) no more Barb avery (booo! she's cool) no more Kev class (boo, gossip is fun!) and no more Ms. Farrell (just when I was getting used to her too)

So, other than my amazingly easy science exam, nothing happened today. I got a fourteen out of fifteen on my zine, and it was fun to make.

Say ya'll, remember that Natalie portman thing form yesterday? If any of you can get me the sound clip of Seth Meyers saying "Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick" please send it to me! I find myself playing the video just to hear that part!

Oooh, contest-o-graph! Come on people, I know all my readers are amazingly talented writers (at least I hope) you should all send in a guest column. Also, in regards to sending me to Ireland, I found out today my paypal account is on my old e-mail, eighty_infernal_cohorts@hotmail.com, so send your money there or (preferably) to Box 275 Guysborough N.S. Canada B0H 1N0. Also, if you send me paypal, e-mail me at just_cailen@hotmail.com to let me know!

So, mom black-mailed me into giving her the address of this site, sup wit dat ya'll? Of course, I shouldn't be saying things about her know that she is gonna start reading this, and god damnit, I won't tone anything down at all! By the way, you can probably expect me cut off before August if I stay on this self-destructive path I am forging, damn I need to get off the cocaine, and the weed, and booze, and strippers (to everyone who isn't mom, I'm kidding, just trying to freak her out).

Allrighty folks, today was really slow and I'm kinda tired, so I'll leave you all with the web comic-o-graph. Just so you know, there are two links, one of the older art and one of the new style.

Oh well, come back here and dance with me dammit! (Except mom, just no)

Mr.Pib+Red Vines=Crazy Delicious

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 22:38:44 GMT

Yeah, the title references an incredibly funny SNL video called "Lazy Sunday" starring Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg, it's hilarious. I also suggest you watch "A Day in the life of Natalie Portman" and "The Doppleganger" I was nearly on the floor laughing at them all!

Ok, I'm going to merge the web-comic-o-graph and the contest-o-graph together! "For what reason?" You may ask "They have nothing in common." you may say. "Get in the chopper!" You may order of me, but heres the reason...BECAUSE I CAN B*****S! Y'ALL CAN'T STOP ME!!!!

Wow, in the heat of all that I forgot completely about the contest-o-graph! Oh well, none of you seem to care you dang ol' whatever you ares!

Anyway, it's the triumphant return of the Hilaragraph! whats the deal man? Why'd you hit me during the math exam? Huh? Come on, was it some sort of punishment for not including this specialty graph in my blog a couple times? Huh? Or was it some sort of sign that I need to get my shit together and do something? Or was it just a little of Kirbys random violence towards Taylor entering your bloodstream? Reall, those are the only options I can think of.

Pretty sure those are all of my current -o-graphs, so now I need to find another way of wasting time to avoid studying for my science exam. Hey, speaking of exams, I finished my math today and never (ever) need to be in Phil Connollys class again! Heres a common scene in his class...

Student: Mr. Connolly, would you tell me how to solve this problem so that I can do it myself in the future?

Phil: Fifty four! Mr. Connolly says fiffty-four!

Yep, talks in the third-person and doesn't really explain how to do things, luckily I know how to learn by example.

OH! So, in regards to Katrina.....I took the test and I guess I have a four percent similarity rating. Thats, thats all I have to say, is there anything else I'm suppossed to say?

YO! I was contacted by Festival Antigonish to do my monologue for some special night! Nine o'clock August first! Be there ya'll, come one, pleeeeeaaaase! You'll love it, I'll love it, the kids won't understand, but they'll still love it! I'm assuming you all have kids. By the way, the userpic is of me doing my show, I'm really sexy in a suit!

So, I really wish I could do stand-up comedy, but I'm just not good enough, maybe I'd be better at writing jokes if I was in IRELAND! SEND ME THERE!

Random Seth Meyers quote: Damn Natalie you're a crazy chick.

Yeah, did you see how random that was? Oof, well I'd better go study for my exam, I'll get back to you all yesterday. I mean tomorrow, wow I didn't plan that, it was really a mistake!

So anyway, come back after exama, we'll frickin dance! Maybe the Charleston (That was joke in Chicago, I still have no clue why it's funny!)

More Mitch

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 18:32:32 GMT

Today is the second and final part of my tribute to Mitch Hedberg. I've really enjoyed doing this because he was really funny and I don't need to come up with things to say other than this. So without further delay, lets do this thang!

"I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs."

"The only way I could get my old cd into a strore was if I took one in and left it"

"I play sports...Wait, no I don't. What the fuck! That was a major faux pas."

"I've got a do not disturb sign on my hotel door; it says, "Do not disturb." It's time to go with "Don't disturb." It's been "do not" for too long. We need to embrace the contraction. "Don't Disturb." "Do not" psyches you out. "'Do', alright! I get to disturb this guy! 'Not'... Shit!!... I need to read faster!" I like to wear a do not disturb sign on my neck so that little kids can't tell me knock knock jokes. Say "Hey, how ya doin', nephew?" "Knock knock!" "Read the sign, punk!"

"I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once."

"This is my favorite place to perform - in a big room full with people. I was here 3 years ago, and I thought I did pretty well - everybody was laughin' and having a good time. But then, they didn't bring me back for 3 years. So tonight, I'm gonna try to suck."

"They say that the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home, there's more to it than that. "Hey, you want some more homemade Sprite?" "Not until you figure out what the fuck else is in it!"

"The Kit Kat candy bar has the name "Kit Kat" imprinted in the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique. I'm gonna go down to the factory,"you owe me some letters!"

"I'm lactose intolerant, so I eat my cereal with a fork."

"I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same. "What's a giraffe taste like?" "A hippopotamus! I had 'em back-to-back!"

"And then at the end of the letter I like to write, "P.S. — This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated."

"You know when they show someone on TV washing their hair under a waterfall? That's fucking bullshit, man, because that thing would knock you on your ass!"

"My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?"

"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."

And lastly, one of my personal favourites

"I wanna hang a map of the world at my house. Then I wanna stick pins in the locations that I've traveled to. But first I have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down."

Thank you all for joining with me to respect this great comic.

Mitch

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 19:49:41 GMT

The userpic is Mitch Hedberg, heres the story: I love his comedy, but up until last night I couldn't remember his name, so I went on a quest on Wikipedia to find him. Eventually I did, but I also found out he died of a drug overdose on March 29th 2005, he was 37. I wanted to do something for this, I had the idea of doing a new specialty paragraph, but I decided to dedicate (it took me like, ten seconds to think of that word) todays blog to him. Mitch mainly used one liners, so today I'm abanding all the -o-graphs to give you, Mitch Hedberg jokes, I hope you enjoy. (I don't gaurantee peferct wording)

"When I was a boy I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was"

"You hear people talking about racism, saying I don't care if you're a black, white, green or purple person. Wait a minute, green or purple people? We have to draw a line somewhere! To hell with purple people. Unless they're suffocating, then help em!"

"I never went to a revolving restaurant, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round and gave her a burrito"

"I haven't slept for ten days, that would be too long'

"I had an ant farm, those bastards didn't grow me shit"

"My apartment is infested with Koala bears, it's the cutest infestation ever"

"I bought myself a parrot. The parrot talked. But it did not say, "I'm hungry." So it died."

"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work."

"My friend said to me, "Man, this weather is trippy." I said to him, "No, man, it's not the weather that is trippy. Perhaps it is the way we perceive it that is indeed trippy." Then I thought, "Man, I should have just said, 'Yeah.'"

"I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would be really mad if she heard me say that."

"I have a girlfriend named Lynn. She spells her name L-Y-N-N. And my old girlfriend's name was Lyn, too. She spells her name L-Y-N. Every now and then I mess up and call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name. And she can tell because I don't say "nn" as long."

"When I'm off-stage I'm very quiet; I don't say very much. But I hang around people who just talk non-stop, just talk talk talk talk talk. I can't get a word in edgewise. And when I do, I usually say something stupid like, "Hey, man, you want some taffy?"

"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."

"If you get lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house! I used to be lost, but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!"

I don't want this post to be too long, so I will make part II tommorrow.

Don't hate me

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 23:16:00 GMT

Hey peeps (I bet you forgot you were my peeps!) here I am, back again, hoping my readers don't hate me for yesterdays comic.

Ok, so to get things started heres the contest-o-graph, let's keep this short, ok? Ireland, money, voice clip. Guest column, July, published. Hope you got that all.

SO, TNA Slammiversary is tonight, and TNA accidentally leaked info that there would be a new champ! Oh no! I say that because I'm ahuge fan of good ol' Christian (Cage), but his reign was booked badly, heres hoping he'll get another one down the line.

Now you all probably hate that I just talked about wrestling, so I'll make up for it in todays hilarious comics, thats right! There are two comics! they are in order, so read them in order damnit!

Ok, with the web-comic-o-graph outta the way I'm free to talk of myself. Ugh, today was a really slooooooow boring one, there was nothing to do and nothing I wanted to do, blah! I read some stuff on the net and listened to music, then I was done. I tried stringing my bass because I broke a string last night (I was putting my old ones back on today) when I found one of them was too small! YAY!

I had a weird dream last night, Sum41 was playing in a school concert, and for some reason Bradford (from the school band) was their bass player, but then all his strings broke simultaneously! I wanted to lend him my bassm but I had broken one string! That part was the only realistic part of the whole dream, because it had happened, but I already told you that.

I have to start studying for exams soon, and I really don't want to start. While I'm doing this mom is watching because she likes watching me type for saome reason. She wonders how many words/min. I can type, she wants to time me, but I'm about to say no. There I just did it, she is ok with it, hooray!!!

I recentl;y downloaded four Murder by Death songs, I'm officially reccomending them, they totally rock. And they aren't some crappy metal band like you might think from their name, they're really good and play a unique tpy eof music. just check them out.

Well, thats all I have time for today, till next time, you'd better not dance with anyone else, I've got the next one reserved!

Sorry about yesterday

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 00:12:54 GMT

Yeah, sorry for the updateless day yesterday, I was at farm lake for the whole day, just got home today.

Anyway, today I'm starting something new, everyday I'm going to give you a link to a web comic, I call it the web-comic-o-graph. i won't link to a different site everyday, just a different strip.Now, you're all forewarned todays (From bigger than cheeses) can be taken as extremely offensive. Now, this one is really sick, and all my female readers will probably hate me for life just for linking to it, but oh well. Please, just try to forgive me, I'll redeem myself with a better one tommorrow!

So yeah, exams start on Tuesday, and after wednnsday I never have to be in Phil Connollys' class again EVER! You should all know that he is super-boring and speaks in the third-person (but thats really funny)

Ok, now that I've added the web-comic-o-graph I'm retiring the anagraph, I just did such a horrible job with Emilys (but I blame her name) I can never anagram again, for at least a week.

Well, I am sooo disappointed, I aded the Hilaragraph to get my own page on her site, and I still haven't gotten one, tsk tsk. Oh well, I'll keep it going anyway, it fills much needed space.

Send me to Ireland ya'll, oh, and send me guest columns too, I want some of those!

So, for English class I had to make a zine, and I had a super-fun time doing it! I interviewed myself, made a comic and more! But when I showed mom she saw my quiz and now she kinda wants to know why Don hates me. Why Don, why?

Hey, I really want money! If any of my readers run a theatre company I'll gladly perform a 15-20 min play anytime for you, if you pay for any needed plane tickets! Or, you could pay Kyle and I for the show we're gonna write! Artistic directors read my blog, right?

Oh yeah, I read some of Emilys blog today, Emily, do you like Shane? Cause if you do, super for him! I hear he needs someone. I need someone too, but I suck, hey if any of you want to go out with me, ask me out! God knows I'll never be able to ask any of you, I thought I had worked myself up enough to ask someone else, but thanks to outside involvement I lost it, fuck.

Trying to learn Give it All by Rise Against, not easy, but Dark of the Matinee by F.F. is really easy!

Well, thats enough of your time, thanks for staying, I appreciate it. Screw thatv sappy ending, danc with me ya'll!

P.S. No Catherine MacDonald, YOU need an injection of FUNK!

confessions!

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 00:24:32 GMT

Marshall isn't posting, I just love that frickin pic, before I get to the hot steamy confessions I want to recommend the band Shrimp to you all.

Ok, heres how these confessions are going to work, I'm gonna take the ones that inspired me, and try to apply them to myself, heeeeeeeere we go!

-Being a majority is weird
-Sometimes I really hate G-Town
--But I'll miss my friends if i leave
-I think one of my friends doesn't like me
-I love being a cynis
--I never TRIED killing myself
-Reading other confessions makes me want to confess
-I don't really mind being fat anymore
--people don't use clever eupemisms for me
-I can't stand the fact girls have eating disorders, they should appreciate themselves
-I really believe my life would be exactly the same if I was skinny
-My best friend is skinnier than me
--I don't really care, but I let on that I do
-I'm really quite sure Kari is mad at me, so I have stopped with the bashing, or at least have stopped 98% if not 100%
-I care too much what people think of me
--not too much
-I'm not really sure what a faghag is
--I find straight people ok
---Even thoguh I'm straight
-I've never read slash, and don't plan to
-I don't know what LGB friends are
--My biggest fear is death
--The runners up are being not funny and not having anything to say
-I'm not sure who Jon is, if it's Jon Stewart he's amazing
--The fact he's so unlike Alex means nothing to me at all
-I have a low opinion of Alex
--I doubt he would hurt me
---My regret is that I don't know him
----that's a lie
-I don't date, for reasons
--Mostly because I don't have enough self-esteem to ask anyone out
---But also because, uhhh, I think thats it
----I can't incorporate fat into this
-No one has told me I'd be a good model, I have been told I couldn't be a drag queen, I disagree
-I might have OCD, but I kinda doubt it
-I have never made an online shrine
--and it wasn't co-created
-I don't think my two best friends and I would be as close if we lived far away, but that's a given, isn't it?
--I would miss them like crazy
-I'm not going to have a breakdown when Emilys brothers leave, or am I? dun dun duuuun
-I sometimes think I'm boring
-The fact I don't have any good secrets in this post makes mew realize I'm holding information from you all!

Well, thats it, no special 'graphs today, just this. BYE!

ick

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 22:40:41 GMT

Sorry everyone no update today, I told Emily I would do a super confessional thing, but the only secret I can think of is one I really don't wan't to share.

This is also because not really much happened today, I got to draw the Holy Hand Grenade and Taylor into a comic for my zine, but that's pretty much it sadly.

Ok, the reson I don't want to give my confession (You can tell I totally want to) is becaus eit has to do with someone I know, and I don't want them finding out and making things really akward.

Hey, I have a band trip to Sherbrooke tommorrow, if I have any Sherbrooke readers skip class to come see me, I might even give you all autographs, seeing as the Brian Connolly line is always huge.

Hey, I haven't checked my e-mails yet today, but I'm hoping when I do there'll be tons of guest columns and Ireland money! Thats right, this is the contesto-remindo-graph!!!!

So yeah, I'm heading out to Blairs cabin all Saturday, if you live near Farm Lake come give me a shout, just don't let Uncle Andrew see you, he might have you in a hilarious death grasp of laughter by the end of the day!Ah damnit, I really want to fish, but I need a license for one, and for two I can't as I'm a vegan (don't hate me). And for the record, Don, I'm not just a vegan so I can think I'm better than everyone, stop hating me god f***in damnit! (Sorry, it really makes me angry since I have no idea WHY he hates me). for all of my non-G-Town companions, he's Emilys father, and from what I've heard her say he's said about me, he hates me. Of course she might be lying just to stir controversy, but who knows?

Wow, so much for this not being an update, I guess it is, except for the fact I'm excluding the Hilaragraph and the anagraph, so sad.

Well, thats it for today, come back and dance, metaphorically!

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 21:50:38 GMT

Anyway, nothing special to say today, to elaborate on yesterday, the Catherine MacDonald thing was also started because she said some really nasty things to my buddy Katrina (Y'know, the whole forbidden dance one).

Lets see, no columns sent in yet, get those started please, and also don't forget about sending me to Ireland (Little update to that, e-mail me if you sent me paypal, I don't check that shit.)

Hey everybody, I'm bringing back the anagraph!!! I remember Emily requesting one so here we go! Emily (Jesse was too hard) Armstrong becomes, ummm, Strongarm Emily!! HA! I did it again!

Something special for all of you, its Taylors blog!! It can be found right here The preview
screws it up, so lets hope that doesn't happen in the final project.

Gee Whiz, sorry ya'll, this was a slooooow day and I don't even have anything for the Hilaragraph, mainly because I need to mow the lawn,. sorry, dance, you know the deal, bye!

OMG! IS BACK!

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 19:41:26 GMT

Yeah, so I'm nearly rolling on the floor laughing after reading a comment from my last update, its anonymous and only says "fuck you". For some reason thats the funniest thing I've read today, and I've been to Joe loves crappy movies so thats saying something!

Anyway, addressing must be done, it seems that even though the title of my site is just-cailen.livejournal.com, note the name:Cailen, some people have blamed Taylor for my P.s> No Catherine MacDonald YOU... thing. This is rediculous, I'll attempt to explain. She made my life a nigh unbearable (big words are hella fun!) hell, and if I still hated people, she would be on the top of the list, this is just the me of today sticking up for the me of yesterday, and I'm sorry for any emotional pain caused by it, but until she herself politely (politely) asks me to stop, I will keep going.

So we played in Queensport on Friday, we may have sucked but I had the time of my fucking life! Sure we had just put two of our songs together earlier that day, and sure I forgot my bass parts, but I still had super fun, even if I did curse at certain members of the crowd.

Hey, get this, Hilary got back from Victoria (and maybe other places) and told people the story of how she almost got ass-raped (her words, not mine!) on the street. Wow Hilary, good job, it makes me wish I had stories to tell. Well I do have stories, but they're all just me quoting Family Guy (Seth MacFarlene you are a frickin' GOD!)

So I saw most of Airplane II: The Sequel, I love that movie, it's amazing, almost as good as the original, and thats hard to do. I also saw Trains, Planes and Automobiles (thats all the title of the movie) I tell ya, I wish John Candy and Steve Martin had gotten to work together more often, Steve Martin was an amazingly funny actor before that Looney Toons movie, I can't remember him being in anything good since then. But don't get me wrong, I will always hold a special place in my heart for him, I now order you all to go out and watch Bowfinger.

Hey everybody, in the contestograph I'm reminding you of the send me to Ireland fund, and also introducing a new contest, send me a guest column, at the end of July I will pick the best one and have it featured as an update, so please EVERYONE (and I know I have more readers than it appears!) send in a copy, it means a lot to your country!

Well, that should just about do it, as I don't fell like the anagram today. Have a fun day/night/hung over morning ya'll, come back and dance!

last update for awhile (shocking)

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 00:21:39 GMT

Yeah, so I'm gonna be in Larrys River for about five days while moms in Stratford for some meeting, so that's to explain the lack of updates.

For some reason I can't stop going to tpww.net (its a wrestling forums site) to watch Marshall get burned by internet wrestling geeks, it's really fun to do.

I'm not in the mood to do either of my specialty paragraphs today, so I will instead give you, the anti-graph.

That was it, all that blank space, the anti-graph. i feel like we're witnessing history in motion here folks, never before has there been a paragraph that wasn't really a paragraph, this could be the start of an internet revolution, or maybe I'm just over-reacting to something that wasn't really cool in the first place, who knows? Certainly not Ed Brown (the drivers Ed instructor). However, I have started suspecting him to be the second (or third) coming of....No, I won't say Jesus, Jesus jokes are far too common, Jesus deserves better, more like a Jesus anecdote, a really cute story about Jesus. Sadly, I have never read (or tried reading) the bible. Taylor, however, has and his sister (The cooler and younger Jayna) has started it, I look forward to not asking their opinions on it.

Anyway, I really want to shamelessly advertise for www.theaterhopper.com, it's a webcomic about movies, Tom Brazelton you are awesome, let it be known I would (or as Marshall says, whould) order a copy of your year one book, but I want to save up money so I have some to not spend in 'Nish during the summer.

Well, adhering to my title of angst-free-liness, I will now leave you wanting more, or some at all. Goodbye, I look forward to dancing with you all.